You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
