i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
