If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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