Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
