i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
