i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
