you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
