I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
