Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
