phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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