Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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