I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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