I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
