So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
