Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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