Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
