Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
