I wish my penis had an off switch
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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