I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
