well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
