all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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