So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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