Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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