I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
