Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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