3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't turn off my feet"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
