All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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