I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
