Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
