I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
