I showed him my bush... on skype.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
