My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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