A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
