Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
