She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
