On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
