good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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