i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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