can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
