whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
