It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
