WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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