don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
