He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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