Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
