he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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