I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
