im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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