Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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