literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
