I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
