just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
