We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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