Define "chronic" masturbator.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
