She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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