I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
