The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night