Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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