do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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