Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I need a burrito and a hug.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
