laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
