It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
